


Precious Minutes

by howveryzoe



Category: Frühlings Erwachen | Spring Awakening - Frank Wedekind, Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Canon Era, M/M, Suicide Attempt Mention, and like his skim off the cream monlouge, bittersweet fluff essentially, just playing off how much of a romantic hans is in the play, read the play, the major character death is max and it's just mentioned but i put in there anyway, this almost completely play canon so now hans is not ooc, this is just how he is in the play, very hernst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-23 11:35:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6115246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howveryzoe/pseuds/howveryzoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They have right now and that must be enough</p>
            </blockquote>





	Precious Minutes

They've been at it for hours when they finally stop and lie exhausted upon Hanschen's large bed. The door to his attic bedroom is locked and moonlight is streaming through the window turning their faces a ghostly silver. Hanschen lets his arms splay out across the top of the pillow and Ernst lies by his side clutching at his neck, pulled close to his body. Even now his heart still races from fear of being caught or love of the other boy he is never quite sure. Hanschen is laughing softly smiling at the ornate ceiling. 

"Do you know what time your parents will be back from Berlin tomorrow?" Ernst asks, breaking the silence.

"Their train leaves at noon so not till at least about two in the afternoon I'd say." Hanschen responds after a moment of thought. "Why are you desperate to leave?"

"You're ridiculous." Ernst says, rolling over to his stomach and pulling himself up against the metal backboard of the bed. "Sorry that I don't want to get caught."

"And what would happen if we did get caught?" Hanschen furrows his brow and flips over, leaning up on his arms to look at the other boy's face. "Would it be so horrible?"

"Yes, it would and you know it." He responds solemnly. "In the best possible scenario we never see each other again."

"Christ Ernst, I said not to be sad didn't I?" Hanschen says accusingly swatting at the other boy's hand. 

"I'm just being realistic, you're the one who asked." Ernst tells him, swatting back, harder but still playfully.

"It's not realistic. You're such a defeatist sometimes. I mean why are you so certain this will end badly?" He has now sat up completely and is staring him straight in his eyes, daring him to find a good reason.

Ernst thinks for a moment, searching for the right words. A way to be logical without shutting the other boy down. "Where can we be together Hanschen? I mean without losing our parent's approval or anything?"

"You're so sheltered, there's a million places. Berlin for example. And the Netherlands. And nearly anywhere if we're quiet about it. They lie to us to make us think we can't have what we want but if we try we can. As for our parents who cares? I mean we can get by without them. And I'm the second son so I'm not required to keep the legacy going anyway." He leans up and kisses Ernst's neck after he has said it, the other boy moaning softly and pushing him away again.

"Well, I care! I love you of course, but I care. Papa will never forgive me for this." Ernst says it woefully. "I mean sooner or later we're going to have to get married and leave each other. You'll become a banker and I a pastor. It's inevitable."

"No, it isn't. I refuse to say it is. I said skim the cream off remember? I don't want to work for something I don't care about. I just want you."

"I want you too of course I do but-" Ernst starts, but Hanschen cuts him off.

"Look, I told you I was gonna be a millionaire. So that's what I'll do. I'll be so rich no one will care who I sleep with. Even your parents won't care." Hanschen tells him, stroking his face ever so slightly.

"You also said you would build a monument to God? How will that work out in this plan?" Ernst says raising an eyebrow at him.

"Easy, it'll be of David and Jonathan and it'll be in the town square." Hanschen replies, grinning.

It takes Ernst a minute of contemplation before he figures it out and swats him with the pillow. "David and Jonathan? Oh my you are such a heathen!" He says mid laugh, trying to keep a straight face. His concentration only elicits more laughter from Hanschen in response as he fails to hold off the pillow with his arms. Hanschen grabs Ernst's hair and pulls him into a kiss, knocking him off balance and causing them both to almost fall off the bed. Finally they regain slight composure and Hanschen sits up, Ernst's head in his lap, wrapping his arm's around the boy. 

"It's a legitimate interpretation." Hanschen says defensively. "But seriously, I will be a millionaire and I'll take care of you from then on. I'll make it in banking or perhaps by inventing something brilliant. Something so brilliant the Kaiser himself has to buy it. And then I'll never have to work another day in my life. I'll build a mansion in Southern France by the beach for you there and we'll live there."

"If the Kaiser needs it then you'll at least have to visit him sometimes."

"Fine, I have a town house in Berlin? Okay? I switch my time between there and our beach house mansion."

"And what do I do while you're away in the city? I can't just stare out the window and wait for you every week."

"Well you'll have an immense library full of every book imaginable. And a garden so beautiful that everyone in town comes to admire it that you'll have to maintain." Hanschen says, picturing it all in his head.

"That's not enough, I can't spend all my time doing that." Ernst is essentially just teasing at this point.

"Well, you can tutor the children in the seaside village in bible studies. That will fill your time." He takes the bait, not wanting the dream to end.

"That's ironic." Ernst responds, he knows for a fact that his father would never let a homosexual tutor him. And in the bible of all things. The idea was pure sacrilege. "But I suppose, it is France. How much money will have again?"

"More than the Kaiser himself. So much money that we can go anywhere and do anything we please. I could kiss you in front of the whole town and they wouldn't be able to a thing. That kind of rich." Hanschen leans over him and kisses his forehead upon saying it, making Ernst blush just a little. Non sexual intimacy always gets him.

"I see, so I suppose we should do something charitable?" Ernst ponders, continuing the jest.

"Yes, of course! How about we have a ward? Some poor orphan baby that we raise?" Hanschen tells him excitedly. 

"Oh yes that would be so lovely!" Ernst says, now as caught up in the fantasy as the other boy.

"Boy or girl?"

"Uh, girl, she'll be so pretty that every boy in town will want to marry her." Ernst says, smiling brightly.

"But of course we can only give her to the best suitor possible. What should we name her if she has none?"

"Wendla." Ernst says solemnly. Hanschen sighs and pulls him closer.

"I said no sadness Ernst." He accuses him. "That's sadness."

"We can't very well forget her. That would be the worst thing we could do for her. I'm not being sad I just think we should honor her," Ernst says indignantly.

"Very well then. Wendla would want to be remembered I suppose." Hanschen thinks of the small girl with the dark curls for a minute. Hoping he can still call up her face months after he last saw it. "We'll raise her with the utmost care and caution."

"And we'll tell her all she needs to know of course?" Ernst says it urgently.

"Of course, everything." Hanschen responds. "After she's married the house will seem quiet but she and her husband and children will visit often. And we'll walk to the beach together every day. Just you and me with the water to calm us. This is after I've finished all my duties with the Kaiser of course."

"When is this all to happen? How long will it take you to make your million?" Ernst inquiries. "Thirty years or more?"

"Thirty years? Ernst, I'll be done before ten are out I swear. The mansion will be furnished in a few months. Wendla might be a debutante by the time we find that night unbelievably beautiful. We'll have nothing but time. Time for me to learn every inch of you." Hanschen tells him, leaning down to pepper his neck with kisses. Ernst relaxes into him, too caught up in the dream to care if he leaves a mark. 

"Time? You really think we have time? What about the precious minutes?" He asks.

"The minutes are always precious no matter how much time we have less. You and I will live to one hundred at least of course but I want to not spend a second of it being sad. We'll die within hours of each other in the same bed. The few minutes one must have to spend with out the other will be the worst of this life." Hanschen tells him, finding glory in the romance of it all. "At least it will be of mine." He backtracks.

"Mine as well, of course. But why so certain we will live to one hundred. Tomorrow I could get hit by a train for all we know." Ernst says ruefully, recalling the earlier events of the year. "Think of Moritz and Wendla. They probably thought they had one hundred more years as well."

"First of all you aren't like them. You have me and I will never let anything bad happen to you. Nothing will hurt you till you die I promise." Hanschen says defiantly. "And also if you were by some twist of fate to die tomorrow then I would die the day after."

"You wouldn't! Hanschen!" Ernst yelps with concern turning over to face him suddenly, pulling himself up to his lap. 

"I would too, I'd take some lye from our kitchen, boil it and drink it. The second I found out." Hanschen tells him frankly

"That's a horrible thing to say even as a joke Hanschen. You couldn't such a thing to yourself."

"Oh yes I could. I've tried before even." He says the last part softly, having never told anyone.

"You haven't!" Ernst is shocked. "Why would you?"

"After Max died." He admits cautiously. "I went down to the kitchen and started boiling it. Our maid caught me and screamed for my father. She thought I was a thief. He came down screaming with his pistol. When he saw it was me he grabbed me by wrists and dragged me to my room. Locked me there for a week. Let me out only because my absences in school were becoming extraneous. If you hadn't began talking to me a little afterwards I'm sure I'd have tried again and succeeded."

"Oh Hanschen." Ernst wraps his arms and his neck and pulls it to his chest, cradling the smaller boy's head for a second before letting him go. "I can't believe you would try to do that. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, now you understand how much you mean to me. You gave me a will to live. Someone to believe and all that romantic nonsense. Without you I am back to square one."

"But how do you know that if you wouldn't kill yourself after my death there isn't another me waiting to save you again

"Because you were my second chance. You don't get two of them. At that point you're just cursed." Hanschen says plainly.

"Did you really love him?" Ernst asks quietly.

"Hopelessly. I suppose I still do in a way but you are all I think about. You are certainly the one I love now, on Earth and forever." Hanschen confesses.

"And I feel the same." Ernst responds, closing the gap between them with a gentle kiss. Like butterfly wings meeting. "I will always be here Hanschen. As long as you want me I will I promise."

"And I for you. No matter what they say."

"No matter what." Ernst laughs a little softly and flops down against the pillow. "But I'm tired now. I think I'll head to sleep. If that's fine with you?"

"Of course, get your sleep please." Hanschen tells him, caressing his forehead. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"Good night Hanschen."

"Good night Ernst."

He rolls over and closes his eyes, his brown hair falling in his face. Hanschen leans over him, staring down at him. His face stops twitching quickly as he drifts off to sleep.

Hanschen sighs. He too see's the truth in the conversation despite Ernst thinking otherwise. He knows just like the brown haired boy does that their time is limited. Sooner or later he'll watch Ernst marry some perfect blonde haired girl. Sooner or later he'll do the same. They'll move away and become their parents and think back on this as nothing but a youthful endeavor. He'll learn to live everyday with another broken heart.

But now? Now he has him. Now they are together. And that needs to be enough. That's all he gets. 

He should consider himself lucky, some get even less. Should be glad he has the memory at all.

He pushes the thoughts away. Let's him live in the dream for just one more night. Night after night after night. Till the nights stop.


End file.
